


I Need You, I Don't Need You

by HoltzLightSpecial



Series: Beautiful Erin [3]
Category: Ghostbusters (2016)
Genre: Big Erin, Chubby chaser myth, F/F, Holtzbert - Freeform, a bit preachy, fatphobia
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-21
Updated: 2017-03-21
Packaged: 2018-10-08 19:45:44
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,287
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10394703
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HoltzLightSpecial/pseuds/HoltzLightSpecial
Summary: A conversation with some of Jillian Holtzmann's old college buddies results in a fiery argument and a realization that Holtz may be overstepping some boundaries with her big, beautiful girlfriend Erin Gilbert.





	

**Author's Note:**

> I've enjoyed writing in this AU so much. Keeping it going. This time the topic is fat phobia, and the fact that nobody needs validation from anyone to be who they are, especially not bigger people.

“You wanna just drive over there?”

 

Erin Gilbert felt a twinge that itched her. Frowning slightly, she turned around (which was always a slow undertaking due to her weight) slowly to face her girlfriend Jillian Holtzmann. She looked her over, admiring Holtz’s black coat with shoulder pads, and her long, curly blonde hair she had let down for bar night tonight.

 

Erin also noticed a twitch of concern in Holtz’s eyebrows.

 

“Why? We’re just a few blocks away.”

 

“Well, yeah, but it could be, I dunno…”

 

Erin raised an eyebrow.

 

“It could be what?”

 

Holtz couldn’t stop herself from taking a split second glance at Erin’s girth.

 

“Well, nothing. You ready?”

 

“…yes.” Erin hesitated as she considered Holtz’s glance, but flashed her girlfriend a smile and turned around again, and made for the door.

 

Erin slowly walked through the front door of the firehouse, noticing how one of her sides brushed the doorway. She gave an annoyed grimace, but rolled her eyes and kept going.

 

Once she was through, she heard the stomping of Holtz’s boots behind her, and then right next to her.

 

“You good?”

 

Erin raised her eyebrow yet again.

 

“Yes, Holtz. Why?” She asked.

 

“Just checking.” Holtz shot her a smile that didn’t seem to fully reach her eyes, but then stuck out her tongue, and swooped in for a peck on the cheek. “Gotta make sure my baby’s alright.”

 

Her attention to Holtz’s behavior not put away, Erin laughed at the kiss and wrapped a thick arm around Holtz’s.

* * *

 

The bar wasn’t super packed, but there was certainly a large enough group of attendants to keep the bartenders busy. Erin smiled at the neon lights, and the smell of beer, cigarette soot, and the cheap, greasy fast food that permeated the bar’s atmosphere.

 

That last smell tickled Erin’s stomach, and she felt herself longing even though she had just eaten not long ago. Erin could certainly control herself with food even though her size suggested otherwise, but she couldn’t help that years of gorging herself had made her stomach capacity and appetite enormous. And apparently, it made her stomach into a funnel – even if you filled it up, it wouldn’t be long before it was empty and needed filling again.

 

Erin sighed, resting a hand on her cauldron of a belly, until she heard Holtz speak up. She turned to her left, seeing that Holtz was still walking beside her towards the bar, albeit now burying her nose in one of the bar’s menus.

 

“Babe? You want the supreme nacho platter tonight? Or would you prefer the big plate of wings?” Holtz looked up with a grin. “My treat tonight.”

 

Erin smiled. “Well…”

 

“Both?” Holtz kept grinning, her eyebrows rising.

 

“You know it,” Erin laughed.

 

“I’ll order it right now,” Holtz saluted Erin and went to the counter where you ordered actual food as opposed to beer. Once that was done, the two found a booth to sit in – Erin barely even noticing the table cutting into her – and held hands as they began to chat about, well, pretty much anything. Eventually their drinks were served, and they heard their order being called by one of the bartenders. Holtz kissed Erin as she hopped up to go get it.

 

“Hey Holtzbro!”

 

Holtz looked up after picking up the two large platters of food, and turned to see a gaggle of girls at the bar. She grinned excitedly – it was none other than her old gang of fellow pyromaniac female engineers from the college days.

 

“Where you been, chickadee?” The head of the group, Griselda, a tall, voluptuous Latina with jet-black hair waived her over. Holtz laughed as she came over, making brief eye contact with Erin, and mouthed “just one sec” as she went over to Griselda and the others.

 

“Hey!” Holtz greeted Griselda with a half hug, since her hands were occupied with Erin’s food, and also greeted other girls in the group. Some of them, including short, pear-shaped blonde Sophie and 70’s-style afro-wearing Chanel, she recognized; meanwhile, other girls Holtz didn’t recognize were the tiny redhead Hailey, who was even much shorter than Holtz herself, and the purple-haired, muscular Natasha.

 

“Listen, my girlfriend is over there,” Holtz nodded towards Erin’s direction, “So if you guys wanna go meet her? And then I can put her food down and then catch up with you for a bit!”

 

The group agreed with a chorus of “Sure”’s and “Yeah”’s, and followed Holtz over to her and Erin’s table. Erin looked up in confusion at the chorus of “Hi!”’s she was faced with, but smiled when she saw Holtz in front of the approaching group of girls.

 

“Everyone, this is the love of my life, Dr. Erin!” Holtz proudly boomed as she set down Erin’s platters of food. “Erin, these are some of those lab rats I used to tell you about!”

 

“Hello! Nice to meet you!” Erin smiled and shook everyone’s hands, noticing a look of surprise on every one of the girls’ faces. She turned to Holtz, and said, “Hey, if you wanna go catch up with them for a few minutes, it’s cool!” Erin smiled, “I’ll be fine by myself for a little while.”

 

Holtz smiled appreciatively, and planted a kiss on her girlfriend’s lips. The group of surrounding girls went “awwwww” as Holtz pulled away. The group plus Holtz returned to the bar, and began to yak it up about how they’ve all been.

 

“I always knew you’d land someone for good, Holtz!” Chanel smirked. “Look at you, making it big!”

 

“Hells yeah,” Holtz laughed as she took a sip of her drink.

 

“We can pay for another drink if you want,” Sophie said sweetly. “Just for old time’s sake!”

 

Holtz smiled, “Actually, that’d be nice!” She drawled in a Daveed-Diggs-As-Jefferson tone.

 

“Yeah, we know you’re probably a little strapped right now!” Hailey laughed.

 

Holtz tilted her head in confusion and eyed the redhead. “Wha?”

 

“Well, I mean, you know…” Hailey laughed, a tad awkwardly. “You had to buy your girl some food.”

 

“Yeah?” Holtz asked, beginning to get a sinking feeling as she began to process what was happening.

 

“Yeah, I’m sure you just lost about $100!” Griselda snorted.

Holtz’s smile dropped. “Oh.”

 

“You must go through credit cards every week!” Sophie chuckled. “You probably have to swipe it all the damn time.”

 

“Are you saying this because of her _weight_?” Holtz’s tone was low, and she pronounced the word “weight” with more than a little snippiness.

 

“Oh come on,” Sophie laughed. “Don’t get so offended! We’re just joking around. It’s just a simple fact. Your girl is big. You gotta pay more to feed her.”

 

“Erin doesn’t need to be _fed_ …” Holtz said in an even lower tone of voice.

“Oh, you know what she means,” Natasha laughed.

 

“Didn’t know you were a chubby chaser!” Griselda laughed.

 

“Chubby chaser?” Holtz asked.

 

“You know, you like big butts and you cannot lie?” Griselda playfully shoved Holtz, not noticing that Holtz didn’t budge. “More cushion for pushing?”

 

“How much does she weigh? 300 lbs?”

 

“Nah probably 400!”

 

“I’m going with 500!”

 

“600 tops!”

 

“STOP!”

 

The ladies all stopped their gossiping and looked at a Holtz who was turning as red as a tomato and was breathing sharply.

 

“Dude, are you okay?” Sophie asked with a hint of amusement in her voice.

 

“Aw great, are you triggered?” One girl asked.

 

“I’d appreciate it if you stopped talking shit about the woman I’m going to marry,” Holtz spat.

  
Each girl’s pair of eyes bugged out. “You’re engaged?!” Griselda exhaled.

 

“No and that’s besides the point,” Holtz said curtly. “I don’t get where you think you can just start making fun of my girlfriend, _Griselda._ ” She spat with particular venom in Griselda’s name.

 

“Dude, she’s huge!” Hailey piped up, “She’s gonna have a heart attack or something. I don’t know how you let her get that big!”

 

“Shut up!” Holtz spat at the redhead. Holtz got up from her stool and stood in front of the group. “All of you, what the fuck?! You think you can just say this kind of shit to me about my girlfriend?!”

 

Back at their table, Erin got a chill on her back, and looked around, sensing trouble. It was then that she noticed Holtz was standing in front of the girls she had gone off to chat with, and saw the steam that was practically emanating from her tiny, but rigid girlfriend. Muttering to herself, “Uh oh,” Erin climbed out of the booth, leaving her empty platters behind, and slowly walked to the bar when she began to hear what Holtz was saying.

 

“I don’t care if you think she’s gross or too fat or whatever! I really- I really fucking don’t!” Holtz spat. The group she was addressing noticed Erin slowly approach from behind, but Holtz was too busy snarling at them to notice even the approaching presence of the love of her life.

 

“She’s not too fat, she’s not gross, she’s not gonna die, none of that shit! She’s my fucking girlfriend and she makes me fucking _scream until I’m hoarse_ at night and fucking happy during the day!” Erin’s cheeks turned red at that, not that anyone noticed.

 

“I’m fucking happy, I’m sorry you stupid fucks are so miserable you gotta tear someone down! I expected fucking better from you! I don’t give a damn if she’s fat or skinny, girls are my fucking type – no, ERIN is my type, period!” Holtz roared at the girls, some of whom she had known for ten years. “And her weight is none of your damn business, you fucking jerks!”

 

“You do or say anything to hurt my girl, I will fuck you up!” Holtz snarled. “I’ll protect her no matter what’s going on. I don’t give a DAMN what you think she should look like, you sad, sorry, pieces of _SHIT_.”

 

Erin gasped at how venomous Holtz had said that last part, and this finally got Holtz’s attention. She spun around, and gasped when she saw she’d been listening the whole time.

 

“Erin!” Holtz cried, her voice breaking a little, but her face still furiously red. “Erin, honey, how were your nachos?” Erin was about to say something, her gaze turning to the ladies with a sharp edge to let them know she was coming for them next, but she didn’t get to say anything. “Never mind, let’s get out of here! Don’t need you to be around these selfish fatphobic PRICKS!”

 

]Holtz flipped a massive bird to the stunned ladies at the bar, and put one arm on Erin’s back, and another on her plush shoulder. Erin almost squeaked because Holtz grabbed one of her back rolls and gave it a hearty squeeze, and did the same for her large shoulder. Erin realized with slight annoyance that Holtz was doing it just to stick it to her old girlfriends – not that Holtz didn’t regularly squeeze her rolls and curves, mind you, but still.

 

Erin wanted to stay to give the ladies a piece of her own mind, but Holtz was clearly ready to get out of there. And judging by how fiery Holtz was, it was probably for the best. Erin grimaced as she lamented not being able to go rain fire on the ladies.

 

* * *

 

 

Once they were home, Holtz plopped herself down on the couch, crossing her arms. She kept muttering to herself, staring at the TV so hard it was a miracle it wasn’t on fire.

 

Erin locked the front door, made some little arrangements to the apartment to shut it down for the night, and made her way over to the couch. Due to her weight having destroyed numerous pieces of furniture in the past, Erin knew better than to plop herself on the couch, and slowly lowered her bulk onto the couch next to Holtz.

 

She took one of Holtz’s tiny hands and kissed it. She looked at Holtz, who was still burning a hole in the TV.

 

Silence.

 

Erin cleared her throat, and Holtz finally sighed.

 

“That was really brave of you, Holtz.” Erin quietly said.

 

Holtz let out an even deeper sigh.

 

“I’m sorry, baby.” Holtz cooed.

 

“It’s okay,” Erin said softly. She was about to say it was okay she lost her temper when she was cut off again.

 

“I’m sorry they did that to you. Making fun of your weight. Saying you were too fat.” Holtz spat.

 

Erin side-eyed Holtz, who didn’t notice.

 

“I showed them good, though. They don’t get past me.”

 

“Holtz.”

 

“Saying you were too fat for me.”

 

“Holtz.”

 

“Saying you were gonna die.”

 

“Holtz.”

 

“Acting like something was wrong with me for loving you.”

 

“ _Holtz_.”

 

“Like you’re something abnormal.”

 

“HOLTZ.”

 

Holtz finally stopped and looked at Erin, and was taken aback when she was met with some rather icy eyes and folded arms. Erin broke her stare and sighed, pinching the bridge of her nose.

 

“Holtz, this has got to stop.”

 

“What? What is it?!” Holtz whispered.

 

“This. This.. knight shit.” Erin muttered.

 

“What do you mean?”

 

“I mean that, I could’ve defended myself just fine, Holtz.” Erin returned her gaze to Holtz’s hurt blue eyes.

 

“I’m not saying you couldn’t have-“

 

“Yes you are. Right now.” Erin sternly said. “You wouldn’t let me go to talk to those girls. You’re not letting me talk right now. And you keep talking about protecting me and everything.”

 

“Isn’t… isn’t that what I’m supposed to do?” Holtz asked.

 

“Yes, Holtz. It really is sweet when you try to defend me. But I’m a big girl,” Erin insisted, “I really can take care of myself.”

 

Erin sighed. “I’m worried you’ve gotten some sort of… I dunno, messiah complex or something.”

 

“What do you mean?” Holtz whimpered.

 

“Like you feel like I need validation from you or something,” Erin sighed. “Like you need to be sheltering me. And I know. I’ve been in some bad places. But I really can’t ever really recover if you don’t let me.”

 

“So I’m blocking you from getting better?” Holtz asked in a horrified whisper. Tears were starting to leak from her eyes.

 

“In a way, yes.” Erin said. “I love you, Holtz, but you’re doing too much. You’re like an overprotective parent or something. You’re not letting me be me. You’re not letting me be a person. I feel like I’m some animal you’re trying to protect or something.”

 

Holtz felt a giant redwood tree was being felled inside of her, and couldn’t stop a sharp sob from escaping her.

 

Erin sadly looked at her girlfriend. “Holtz?”

 

Holtz responded by throwing herself onto Erin and squeezing her, her head buried in Erin’s bosom, and wept.

 

Erin put one hand around Holtz’s head and rubbed it slowly, her own heart feeling pretty shattered right now. But she had to stay strong, otherwise they wouldn’t get through this.

 

“I’m-so-sorry,” Holtz sobbed, her voice muffled.

 

“I know.” Erin said softly.

 

“I never wanted to hurt you!” Holtz wailed. “But I just made things worse!”

 

“You didn’t mean to,” Erin said simply.

 

“How do I fix this Erin? I don’t wanna lose you, I _can’t_ lose you, Erin, please…”

 

Erin firmly gripped Holtz’s shoulders. “You aren’t going to lose me Holtz. I promise.”

 

Holtz’s head rose from Erin’s body as a splotchy, wet mess. “How do I fix this? Please tell me,” Holtz sniffled.

 

“You can start,” Erin said, “By just being supportive. Which you already are. So you’re halfway done, okay?” Holtz nodded.

 

“The next part is to chill out,” Erin said. “You don’t have to go in guns blazing every single time I’m in trouble. At least when it’s not a bust.”

 

“And hey, there’s nothing wrong with having a preference for fat girls, Holtz,” Erin stroked some of Holtz’s hair. “Not everyone has that preference and it’s fine. It doesn’t make them automatically fatphobic. But you already said the magic words – that _I’m_ your type.” Holtz tilted her head a little as she remembered that.

 

“I need you, Holtz. But I don’t need you to act like I can’t defend myself, okay?”

 

“And another thing,” Erin said, “Earlier you were asking if I wanted to ride in the car to the bar, and if I made it through the door just fine, and whatever. I’d really appreciate it if you stop acting like I need special help because of my weight.”

 

Holtz flinched. It hurt to hear Erin so curt with her, but she had to endure it if it meant making Erin happy.

 

“Yes, I’m obese,” Erin sighed. “But I’m not helpless. I’m really not. I’ve accepted that I’m always going to be this fat. And I want to live one day of my life where it doesn’t matter how much I weigh. I just want to live my life. And you trying to tiptoe around me like that, even with your good intentions, is annoying, okay?”

 

Holtz nodded quickly, still crying.

 

“I know you never meant to hurt me. And I forgive you for all this, okay?” Erin asked. “We just gotta work on this, is all. It’s just a speed bump, alright?”

 

Holtz went back in, and kissed Erin, and buried her face in her girlfriend’s large body again. They sat on the couch until Holtz was all cried out.

 

* * *

 

 

“Okay, okay, okay, closer, closer, almost there!”

 

“Alright!” Holtz laughed. It had been a few months since the bar incident, and she was blindfolded, and being led somewhere by Erin. What was it with blindfolds? They both had used them on each other by now. Maybe it was something to investigate for the bedroom?

 

“Alright, just a second.” Erin chirped happily. Holtz felt the blindfold being untied, and immediately, her eyes snapped down in front of her to a white cage on the table in front of her. Inside was a fuzzy little chinchilla, fresh from the pet store.

 

Erin grinned at Holtz. “I know you’ve been wanting a dog, but we just don’t have the space right now, so I went and got you…”

 

Holtz surged towards Erin and kissed her fiercely. She parted lips, and held Erin’s face, simply smiling tearfully at her girlfriend, and returned to the cage.

 

“Hi baby,” Holtz cooed in an adorably high voice that made Erin want to scream. “Hi-Hi sweetie what’s your name?”

 

“I named her Ruby,” Erin smiled. Holtz looked up from the cage, grinning. “It’s close to Rebecca, but I don’t know how Dr. Gorin would feel sharing a name with a pet…”

 

Holtz guffawed, and grinned even harder.

 

Later, they retired to the couch, and Erin was happily flipping channels when Holtz returned from a brief absence with all of her little pet chinchillas. “Come on, let’s play with mommy!”

 

Holtz placed all of the little fuzzballs on Erin’s great belly, and Erin wanted to giggle, but didn’t dare in case it disrupt the little mammals. The chinchillas moved around, not perturbed by the unstable terrain of Erin’s great cauldron belly, and soon stopped moving altogether. Erin looked down in bemusement to see they had all simply laid down together, and seemed to almost be asleep on her stomach.

 

“I think they like all that body heat,” Holtz snickered. Erin shot her a sly smirk and looked down at the little mammals that had made a bed out of her belly.

 

Holtz leaned her head into Erin’s middle as gently as possible to not disrupt her children. “I like it here too. It’s like a heated waterbed.”

 

Erin chuckled, and took in the sight of her goofy girlfriend and her quasi-stepchildren all relaxing against her bulky stomach.

 

“I like it here too,” Erin sighed.

**Author's Note:**

> Special thanks to my dear friend on Instagram for helping me come up with the plot for this story! Someday soon we're going to have a fluff where Erin's weight doesn't bother her or cause any sort of problems at all. Another fluff will also come where there's a scary movie and comfort afterwards!


End file.
